Final Fantasy X The Fall of Spira
by Vinsontran23
Summary: Tidus loses everything as his Zanarkand home is destroyed from the strength of Sin. He has to fight back, but Auron is too drunk to even hold his sword right. What will happen in this messed up adventure?
1. Back to the Future!

Final Fantasy X – The Fall of Spira

Chapter 1 – Back to the Future! ™

Goal!

The other team exchanged hi-fives.

Tidus: You all suck! Even Chuck Norris could even play better than you!

Chuck Norris: But I am playing.

Tidus: And you still suck! Alright, that's it; I'll do a suicide kick.

Chuck: But what if you die?

Tidus: Well it's better than being with butt wipes like you guys! Toss it up and I'll handle the rest. (Swims away)

Chuck: (…) My mom doesn't think I'm a butt wipe.

Somewhere else…

Auron: Another night. Alone. Why didn't I ever get a girlfriend? (**Drinks booze**) All that I have is me, my sword, and my jug of eternal rum. I'm feeling a little…thirsty.

Auron headed towards town.

Off in the distance, an enormous plasma creature rose from the distance shore. Its form absorbed all the water and grew bigger.

In five minutes, it collected enough water and assumed the form of a sea god. From its hands erupted fireballs, which it launched at the city.

Auron: How original. Always have to be fireballs. Can't it be lasers? Or like lightning? That'd be flashier and entertain me a little more. (**Drinks booze**)

Back at the Blitzball stadium...

The crowd was stunned as the ball swirled past all the players, out of the blitzsphere and into the air. Tidus emerged from the water.

Tidus: Double-Reversal Front Flip 1080 Degree Aerial Bicycle Kick!

As Tidus began to execute his maneuver, a big heaping fireball struck Tidus, sending him into the stadium wall. Pieces of debris started to fly everywhere as the building began to collapse.

Crowd: Ooh. Ahh.

Tidus: Crap…that hurt…

Tidus quickly escaped the collapsing building.

Tidus: I have to get to safety.

The plasma creature shot out pods, which scattered through out the city, one in front of Tidus. Small, blue, plant creatures which spawned from the pod slowly crept toward him.

Tidus: Not good. And nothing to protect me.

Auron: That's why I'm here.

Tidus: Auron!

Auron: A gift from Jecht.

Tidus: From my old man?

Auron: (**Pulls out big, long, sword with awesome fiery emblem on the side. The sword is shiny and the hilt is as smooth as a feather**) Yes, a gift.

Auron: (**Tosses Tidus a small, odd-shaped sword**) There you go.

Tidus: Damn you suck. Burn in--

The creatures slowly crept closer.

Tidus hacked at the creatures.

Tidus: Auron! Where are you?

Auron: (**Mumbling**) Right here. (**Hiccup**) Did I mention that I'm a drunken alcoholic?

Tidus: You were just sober a minute ago! How do you get drunk in 5 seconds?

Auron: You just drink some of this stuff. (**Tosses Tidus his jug**)

Tidus: (**Getting hit in the head with the jug**) Owww!

Tidus was knocked out.

Auron: Well, well, well, leaving me alone against the monsters. Time to ditch! (**…**) But I mayyyy never get this chance ever again. (**Takes all of Tidus's stuff**)

Tidus: (**Waking up**) Hey!

Auron: Did you have a nice nap?

Tidus: No, now give me back my stuff!

Auron: No! You won't need it where you're going.

The plasma monster eats Tidus.

Auron: See? Now how you going to use…2,517 gil in the belly of Sin? You can't! So ha! Ha! Ha. I'm all lonely again.

To be continued...


	2. Temple Out of Service

Final Fantasy X – The Fall of Spira

Chapter 2 – Temple Out of Service

Tidus woke up, finding himself outside some abandoned, desolate temple.

Tidus: Ugh, what party did I go to last night? Feels like my head was rammed into a brick wall.

The young man walked inside. As he took a few steps into the temple, Tidus stepped in some--gross.

Tidus: OH GOD, WHAT DID I JUST STEP IN? THAT IS JUST SO WRONG. IT'S INSIDE MY SHOES! OH GOD, OH OH FREAKING GOD!

After hours of wiping…off his shoes…

Tidus: There, much better. Now, where to go?

Tidus headed deeper into the dilapidated building. Eventually, he reached a fork. Slowly, he picked it up. It was just a plastic fork. He flicked it away and continued on until he met a split in the road. There were three ways to go.

Tidus: Great. Which way to go?

Tidus took one of the rocks on the floor and tossed it into the middle path. Sounds of spikes echoed through the corridors.

(…)

Tidus took another one of the rocks and tossed it into the right path. Sounds of walls collapsing could be heard from inside.

(…)

Tidus took one final rock and tossed it into the left path. Some guy yelped.

Voice: Ow! (**Fainting Sound**)

Tidus rushed into the left path. A guy was lying on the floor. He appeared to be a merchant.

Tidus: Stupid Auron. Took all my stuff. Alright, time to restock.

Mugged 10,000 gil and other junk!

Tidus: Alright, I'm all set. But what if he wakes up? Hm…

Back at the fork…

Tidus: I'm sorry for this! (**Drives fork into eye**)

Guy: GAH! MY EYE!

Tidus: Why isn't he dead…Er…dude, this place is dangerous! I'm going to get you out of here ok?

Guy: Thank you….stranger...ugh…

Back at the split road…

Tidus: Hold on, this might hurt a little bit.

Merchant: Hurt? Where are you taking me?

Tidus: Just relax, this will only hurt for a second.

Tidus tossed the guy into the middle path. As the spikes shoot out, a deafening scream is heard.

Merchant: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Tidus: Crap, you're being eaten. I'm going to get help ok? (**Leaves**)

Merchant: HELP ME STUPID IDIOT! OW. The pain…hey, he's right. It only did hurt for a little bit. I hope he comes back soon.

(…)

Tidus rushed further into the temple. He entered a large room, probably the auditorium.

Tidus: I wonder what happened to this place. So empty…

Tidus stepped further inside. The floor collapsed underneath him, and Tidus plunged into the darkness.

Tidus: This can't be good!

(…)

Tidus shrugged the dirt off him. He appeared to be underground.

Tidus: Crap…it's cold here. I should get a fire going.

Tidus looked around.

Tidus: No. (**Tosses away matches)** No. (**Tosses away flamethrower**) No. (**Tosses away stove**) I need to make a fire and fast. (**Pulls out two stones**) Oh yea!

Tidus grabbed some sticks and placed them in a pile. He scrapped the two stones together, releasing sparks to erupt the sticks in flames.

Tidus: Awesome!

Water poured from the ceiling and quenched the fire.

Tidus: Man.

The determined blitzball player took the sticks and moved further away. Again, he made a fire. Again, the water put the fire out.

Tidus: Stop doing that!

After an hour of…making fires…

Tidus: Come down here and show your face you water jerk!

An enormous monster, about three times Tidus's size jumped in front of Tidus. The crab-like creature growled, letting out mist from its mouth.

Tidus: Uh…hey, how about we drop the entire thing and just be friends huh?

The monster chopped off Tidus's right arm.

Tidus: Oh man, I need that! That's it, you're going to pay! I'm going to do something so awesome that you're going to be fried shrimp when I'm through with you.

Suddenly, the wall behind the monster exploded. Several balls of fire shot at the monster, and quickly, the monster died.

Tidus: Whoa, I guess I'm awesomer than I thought.

Four people charged in with protective suits and pointed their guns at Tidus. One of them picked up Tidus's arm.

Tidus: Thanks?

Girl¿Qué? No entiendo.

Guy¿Puedo matarle?

Girl¡No, pero él parece deliciosos¡Tráigale los muchachos caseros, nosotros consiguió la cena!

Tidus: Delicioso? What? You're going to eat me?

Girl: Sí.


	3. MachiWhat?

Final Fantasy X – The Fall of Spira

Chapter 3 – Machi-what?

Tidus woke up inside a boiling pot of water. His hands are tied.

Tidus: Huh…where am I?

Rikku: Buenos días.

Tidus: Yes, hello to you. Why are you cooking me!

Rikku: Tengo hambre.

Tidus: This isn't cool.

Rikku: Muy caliente ser exacto.

Tidus: Wait, maybe my Spanish classes from high school could save me! Um…Tengo que ir al cuarto de baño.

Rikku: No cuide.

Tidus: Gah! You know what they say in English? Screw…you. You understand? Screw…you. (**Flicks** Rikku off)

Rikku puts in more vegetables and continues to read this book called "Cannabilism for Dummies."

Tidus looks around and sees he's in a kitchen and only Rikku, who is wearing a "Kiss the Cook" apron, is in the room with him.

Tidus: Gah, I have to get out of here! Um…let's see…what was it…oh yea. Pato! (Duck)

Rikku turns around.

Rikku: ¿Pato? ¿Dónde? ¡Alimento!

Tidus: Now's my chance.

Tidus jumps out of the cauldron and makes a run for it.

Rikku: ¡Parada!

Rikku throws a cleaver and it misses, plunging into the wall. Tidus goes to the knife and cuts himself free.

Tidus: So long sucker!

Tidus runs out of the building and finds himself on what appears to be an oil rig.

Tidus: Crap! (Turns around) 

Rikku and the rest of her group come out of the building, each armed with guns.

Tidus: Gr…

Rikku: Espera.

Tidus: Unless you start speaking English, I'm going to jump.

Rikku: Then don't jump.

Tidus: HA! You do speak English!

Rikku: Fine, fine, we do. Now get over here so we can eat you.

Tidus: No! You crazy people! Stay away!

Rikku: (Cocks gun) Don't say I didn't warn you.

Tidus: You crazy. I'm getting out of here. (Jumps)

Splash.

Rikku: Crap. Someone go after him!

Guy: But we can't swim.

Rikku: You serious? Gah! Remind me to kill someone when I get back.

Rikku jumps into the water after Tidus.

Guy: YES! THE EVIL DEMON IS GONE!

Another Guy: Let's get out of this joint!

Everyone starts to cheer and run off inside the building. They take an airship and fly off.

Underwater…

Tidus: I don't know why, but I can breathe underwater.

Rikku: That's because we made water breathable in 2300.

Tidus: Holy crap, it's the evil demon! Back off! I will smite you if you come closer!

Rikku: Relax. I'm not going to eat you raw. Now come with me before you hurt yourself.

Tidus: Hurt? What's the worst that could happen to me?

Something echoes through the water.

Rikku: That. (Points to monster)

A huge monster appears behind Tidus. It roughly resembles an octopus.

Tidus: Oh awesome! A pet! I'm going to name you Boco!

Monster: RAWR!

Tidus: You hungry Boco? Here. (Throws grenades into the monster's mouth)

The monster explodes into a bajillion pieces. Um, I swear, bajillion's a number.

Tidus: Boco? Boco? NOOOOOOOOO!!!

Rikku: How did you get my grenades…?

Tidus: Stole them when I ran away.

Rikku: Um, ok, now you going to come back to the ship?

Tidus: Might as well. Would rather be eaten then to clean up after Boco.

The two head back up to the oil rig. However, all the buildings are gone and no one is there except for Rikku and Tidus. Tumbleweeds roll by.

Rikku: THOSE IDIOTS! They took off with my stuff!

Tidus: Ok, well, you have any food?

Rikku: No. We resorted to cannibalism a while back.

Tidus: I see…well…you're crazy. I'm going to escape now.

Rikku: Don't! You don't know what could happen!

Tidus: Like what?

Tidus gets struck by lightning. He faints.

Rikku: Tisk tisk, I warned you. Ok, well, I need to rebuild my oil rig and since you happen to have money and I happen to have the ability to steal… (Mugs Tidus of all his stuff)

Tidus: (Wakes up) Huh? Hey! What are you doing?

Rikku: Nothing! Just don't worry about a thing. You won't need it where you're going.

Tidus gets struck by lighting and faints again, except this time he falls into the ocean.

Rikku: Ca-ching! I'll make sure this goes to good use.

Rikku gets struck by lightning, but she doesn't faint. She shrugs it off.

Rikku: Ha! I have Lightning-proof suit!

An airship crashes on the oil rig.

Guy: GOD DAMMIT! You can't drive.

Another Guy: Well, SAR-RE! Not my fault this thing weighs ten gajillion pounds.

Guy: Gajillion isn't a number.

Another Guy: Uh, gajillion's a number. I swear.

Rikku: (Muffled) GUYS! YOU ARE SO DEAD.

Guy: Oh sure, and you couldn't kill the demon when we landed on her.


End file.
